What are those blinking lights behind me...

I'm trying to get somewhere important, hence the blinky red and blue lights you see in your rear view mirror and that "WEEE WOOO WEEE WOOO" sound, why in the name of that which you consider holy and/or tasty would you break check me continuously and not move over, then as I pass you, give me a look as though I just silently farted in your vehicle but afraid to directly accuse me? Do you hear that "BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” noise? That's me laying on the air horn... this roughly translates to "GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!" Also please do not just stop in the middle of the road unless you want give a 5000 lbs vehicle a piggy back ride. Now go play somewhere else out of my way!

Being honest...

Why can't people be honest? Lying does not get you out of a ticket. You know you were speeding... I know you were speeding... not only because my radar clocked you doing 95 in a 45, but because I heard the Doppler effect of screams emanating from your vehicle as you passed by, plus the kid plastered to the rear window of your car from shear mass of speed you where traveling. When I ask you "Do you know why I pulled you over?", don't look at me with a stupid look and say "I dunno?" as the passengers are removing there embedded fingernails from the dash. I actually give warnings to those who are honest with me (*up to a certain extent, if you have 12 pounds of cocaine sitting in your lap you might get a ticket). Own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for what you have done. Also be polite. If you want to be an a-hole then your going to a get a ticket, a-hole. Offer cookies, cake, donuts and coffee, get out and wash my car, or play a song on a flute or something (*note: don't really do this as this is bribery and you can be sent to the pokey). Bottom line, best chances to get out of a ticket, honesty and politeness. Now go politely play somewhere else!

Why do you run...

Running just makes you go to jail tired. It also makes me tired. You know how hard it is to yell "Stop running!" while I'm running? And you don't listen anyway so why do I even bother.  Then when I catch you, don't tell me you didn't do anything. Yes you did do something! For one thing you didn't stop running when I told you too! Plus our conversation after our scenic jog takes a lot longer because we both can't breathe properly.

Me: Why.. *pant pant*... are... *pant pant*... you running? *pant pant*

You: Because...  *pant pant* ... I didn't...  *pant pant* ... do anything! *pant pant*

So next time you commit a crime stay put for me, or at least walk if you really feel the need to leave. Now go play somewhere else, but slowly!

Speed and there lack of...

It's funny to watch old people react to when I pull them over and tell them I stopped them for going to slow. There facial expressions start out as a look of disbelief followed by a look of being very concerned and worried that they now have to drive at the breakneck speed of 45 miles per hour. Then when they are free to go you see them rocket back into there seat like a fighter pilot taking off from an aircraft carrier because they floor the accelerator so hard, worried it wont be fast enough. Just go the limit, hell go ten over! It's ok, really! I won't do anything! Now go play somewhere else!

Mountain lion?

Yay! A call about a mountain lion near a hotel. Ok here's the deal with this. I work out here in Arizona near the city... I assume you have to have mountains to have any said "mountain lions". Hey I'm open-minded, it's possible for a mountain lion to trek its happy lion ass all the way down from the so called mountains in the distance to visit a hotel.
So I show up and see the so called "mountain lion" in front of a grey car.

Mountain lion: *meow*

Me: (looking around)

I hear a voice calling from the balcony of the second floor hotel room.

Voice: "He's over there!!"

Mountain lion: *meow*

Me: "Where?!"

Voice: "Over in front of the car!"

Mountain lion: *meow*

Me: (staring at the "mountain lion" then at the person on the balcony, then back at the "mountain Lion")  "The cat?"

Voice: "No the mountain lion"

Mountain lion: *meow*

Me: "That's a cat! Mountain lions are like eight times bigger than that!"

Voice: "No, that's a mountain lion.... a baby mountain lion!"

Mountain lion: *meow*

Me: "No that's a freakin cat!!"

Voice: "But it looks like a mountain lion!"

Me: "No... it looks like a cat!"

Mountain lion: (scatters off)

Me: "There it's gone, its safe to come out now if you want!"

Voice: "Ok, thanks!"

So thanks for calling me away from speeders and people doing bad stuff to shoo off the tormented evil mountain lion. May your day be safe from domestic wildlife that inhabit the area, now go play somewhere else!

Visual representation of said Mountain Lion:

The Donut Log is alive!

This is a humorous (hopefully) blog about  what we public security and saftey engineers, or "cops" according to the average joe, do and see on the job. This will hopefully give you and insight into the law enforcement world. So if you love us, hate us, curious about what we do, or you just mistakenly clicked something and got here then hopefully... hope-ful-ly (hope fleeting)... will enjoy this site!